why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
