thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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