i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
