How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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