You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
