All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
