Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
