We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
