we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
