Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
