Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
