so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
