i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
