And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
