that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
