I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
