I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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