just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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