dude i'm inner monologue high
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
