im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
