Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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