the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
