Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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