Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
