I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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