I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
