this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
