I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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