did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize