We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
