Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
