Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
