You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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