1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
