question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
false alarm, still single
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
