I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
