I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
