Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
