Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
