Taylor Swift is so right about you.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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