marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
