If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
