do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
