Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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