At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
