Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
