My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Drunk is not a location!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
