John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
