I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
