Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize