True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
