It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
