So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
