i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
