Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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