Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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