Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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