I bet he comes in French.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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