Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
