The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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