i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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