I'm really into asian looking animals
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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