i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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