Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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