Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
