All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
