you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
